Week 14: Last one!

My last post for this blog! I've enjoyed posting. This last week we talked about efforts to protect marriage internationally and some general practices to strengthen the family. Enjoy!


The good news: International agencies are taking interest in strengthening the family and we are not alone! BYU is well represented in this scene and has made a large difference; we have lead, along with other faiths, many international movements to define marriage as between one man and one woman and to declare the family to be the basic unit of society. There is much work left to be done but there is hope!


Strengthening the family: Ideas for keeping the Sabbath day holy

1. Wear sabbath clothes all day. It's important to make this day different from all of the other days.
2. Many families choose not to watch TV on Sunday except for religious programs. If you do watch television on Sunday, do not watch everyday programs. Again, this day is meant to be different.
3. Spend Sunday with family; play with friends on other days.
4. Play church music.
5. Parents can read patriarchal blessings with their children and talk about the guidance therein.
6. Have a family testimony meeting on fast sunday. Your children want to hear your testimony.
7. Ask your children after they have broken their fast what they have been prompted to do - share your own promptings with them.
8. Knock on a child's bedroom door, go in, sit down, and just listen.
9. Call family members.
10. Go to a retirement home.
11. Sing as a family - play instruments and memorize hymns.
12. Read an inspirational book aloud.
12. Say I love you. Don't assume that your children know. Younger children especially cannot always glean from everything you do that you love them. You need to tell them!


I love all of you! Thanks to anyone who read and helped me in this experience.

Week 13: The Sanctity of Life/Same-sex attraction

Sensitive subjects this week! But it was so good to be able to discuss these in class. I'm grateful for the opportunity to study the words of the prophets concerning these subjects. Finals are coming up and it's crunch time, so I'll just share a few things I liked.


"By abortion, the mother kills even her own child to solve her problems. And, by abortion, the father is told that he does not have to take any responsibility at all for the child he has brought into the world. That father is likely to put other women into the same trouble. So abortion leads to abortion. Any country that accepts abortion is not teaching its people to love but to use violence to get what they want. This is why the greatest destroyer of love and peace is abortion."

~ Mother Teresa

The church recognizes that there are some circumstances where an abortion is acceptable: for example, if pregnancy is caused by incest or rape or if the mother or fetus's life is endangered by the continuation of the pregnancy. In class we discussed why it would be acceptable to have an abortion in those cases; we talked about how a woman's agency is violated by incest and rape and how emotionally and psychologically trying it would be to raise the child of one's attacker. I appreciated how one woman in my class pointed out that even giving the option of abortion to church members in those cases is an emotional relief; the woman may not go through with the abortion, but she is able to use her agency to choose not to do so, and that may be the greatest help to her.

In the end, abortion is not a right or a political means or environmentalist technique to reduce overpopulation; it is the ending of a sacred life to shun responsibility.

We as Latter-day saints must let our voices be heard in respectful opposition to abortion. We must pray for a testimony of the sanctity of life and the plan of salvation, as well as the strength to follow the prophet's counsel.

Finally, we must not be violent in our opposition. Some organizations have bombed abortion clinics and shot doctors that have performed abortion procedures, but this is not the Lord's way.

Same-sex attraction:

The main thing I took away from this discussion was that people who struggle with homosexuality are NOT bad people! We all have different trials and tendencies that we need to overcome in this life; same-sex attraction is a serious conflict for many people today.

President Gordon B. Hinckley urged church members that struggle with homosexuality to know that we love them. He asked the church to give these members their fellowship and support.

It is possible to live a righteous, temple-worthy life and still have these feelings; the feelings themselves are not sinful, but entertaining them and acting upon them is.

Family members of those who confess homosexual tendencies:

1. Moderate your response to this declaration. Be grateful that the person is willing to share this burden with you.
2. Study what the church teaches on this subject; gain a testimony of the Atonement and change.
3. Maintain your love and concern for this person, but do not change your belief that homesexual activity is wrong.
4. Encourage that individual to seek counsel from the bishop.
5. Help your friend or family member gain other sources of support.
6. Don't try to take control of the situation. Encourage and be patient. Demonstrate love unfeigned.
7. Keep communicating; don't cut the person off from the family or out of your life.
8. Pray trustingly to Heavenly Father.
9. Never give up a loved one, no matter what lifestyle they may choose.

We have our agency, and with the help of the Lord anything is possible. I need to be more accepting of those that have same-sex attraction issues. I am more motivated to think of them as children of God that have a struggle just like you or I.

Love you all!

Week 12: Family Crucibles and The Advantages of Marriage

A crucible is a container made of heat-resistant material that can withstand incredible pressure and temperature, so that the material within can be melted, purified, and refined. In class we talked about how trials such as death of a loved one, illness, infertility, and disability can be crucibles that refine us and purify us according to God's will.

James E. Faust said: "Into every life there come painful, despairing days of adversity and buffeting. There seems to be a full measure of anguish, sorrow, and often heartbreak for everyone, including those who earnestly seek to do right and be faithful. The thorns that prick, that stick in the flesh, that hurt, often change lives which seem robbed of significance and hope. This change comes about through a refining process which often seems cruel and hard. In this way the soul can become like soft clay in the hands of the Master in building lives of faith, usefulness, beauty, and strength. For some, the refiner's fire causes a loss of belief and faith in God, but those with eternal perspective understand that such a refining is part of the perfection process."

I know that the most valuable experiences I've had in my own life have been some of the most painful ones - the death of my grandparents, a difficult breakup, the loss of my cousin. These things were extremely painful, but as I look back I can see how much I have grown. I value these experiences because they have brought me closer to the Savior. The other day I was thinking how grateful I am to have trials in my life, because they keep me humble. I sometimes wish I had more, because it's easier for me to be closer to Christ when I am in a difficult position. I suppose the trick is to be close to Him even when times are good. :)I'm working on it.

The advantages of Marriage:

Statistics report that married people live longer, suffer less from illness and disease, and recover from illness faster.

Married people have lower rates of depression and suicide. They are generally happier in all aspects of life.

Married couples are generally wealthier and spend less than divorced individuals. They also save more by living "half and half".

Contrary to what the media would say, married people actually enjoy greater sexual benefits than single or cohabiting individuals. Faithfully married individuals are more satisfied with their sex life and report a greater feeling of stability and confidence in their marriage partner. No surprise there!

"It isn't good to be alone, it isn't good..."

I love this gospel, I love the eternal principle of refinement, and I look forward to the day when I can enter into the eternal covenant of marriage. I love you all!

Week 11: Family Recreation, Blended Families

Family Recreation

4 Principles:

1. Wholesome recreation is not the same as idleness or aimless leisure.

2. Wholesome recreation is not just spontaneous play.

3. Wholesome recreation helps to establish family rituals that create bonding experiences.

4. Wholesome recreation needs to be balanced with our obligation to work.

President Ezra Taft Benson said to fathers:

"Go on daddy-daughter dates and father and sons' outings with your children. As a family, go on campouts and picnics, to ball games and recitals, to school programs...Build traditions of family vacations and trips and outings. These memories will never be forgotten by your children."

I testify that this principle is true. Some of my fondest childhood memories are of family campouts and trips to Nauvoo or Palmyra. :)

Interesting note: Studies have shown that the longer you watch TV, the worse you feel. I totally believe this. If I watch TV for more than a few hours I feel really slow and my head feels heavy and dull.

Suggestions for wholesome recreation:

1. Select recreation that builds meaningful relationships.
2. Regularly choose challenging activities that stretch each family member.
3. Clarify the purpose of activity.
4. Select activities in which participants can acquire a sense of mastery and competence.
5. Incorporate intellectual and creative elements.
6. Look for opportunities to promote moral behavior.
7. Select activities that will rejuvenate both the mind and body.

Blended Families:

A blended family (parents that remarry and already have children of their own) always comes about as the result of dreams cut short or not working out. As such, the members of the blended family must have extra faith and trust in the Lord. A few pointers to help with the adjustment:

* If possible, sell your old home and your spouse's home and buy a new home. Memories cling very closely around homes, and it would be in the best interest of family to start afresh.

* Think of this blended family as a "new" and not a "replacement" family.

* Start new traditions instead of borrowing from both families.

* Remember that it will never be perfect, and it will take time to feel comfortable and natural.



Have a great week!

Week 10: Love, Work, and Prayer In Families

I really love this class. I love it because everything I learn makes me think about how blessed I am to have grown up in my family. It also makes me want to be a better person, and I'm grateful for anything I experience that motivates me to improve myself from the inside out. Now, on to the good stuff!


Faith and Prayer:

The biggest thing I learned from this section is the concept of "enlightened hedonism" - doing the right things and following gospel principles, but only to get the blessings that make our lives easier. For example, paying our tithing because we know that if we do the windows of heaven will pour blessings upon us, instead of paying our tithing with the intent of blessing other members of the church with a nearby temple, the opportunity to serve a mission, or food for their families. I am definitely guilty of "enlightened hedonism." I want to pay my tithing and follow the gospel with Christ always in mind. I want to stop obeying the commandments to get blessings. I want to obey the commandments because I love Heavenly Father.

We also talked about the importance of praying in a circle as a family. I've liked this idea for a really long time, because a circle is so representative of our eternal family and our covenant. I feel so unified with my family and with Heavenly Father when we kneel in a circle for prayer. In class we talked about how younger children especially feel a sense of security and family identity when they kneel in a circle.

Love

Love is both a feeling and a behavior.

When we bear others' burdens, our capacity to love and sympathize grows.

"The Atonement working in our lives will produce in us the love and tenderness we need." ~ Henry B. Eyring

We must love our family and our neighbors, in more than just word. "One cannot ask God to help a neighbor in distress without feeling motivated to do something toward helping that neighbor."

Work

In my family, work and chores were part of life. This chapter was an interesting one to read because it evoked a lot of memories and some...shall we say...strong childhood feelings. I'll mostly quote from my textbook, because it's just so good :)

"What does such ordinary, family-centered work have to do with salvation? The answer is so obvious in common experience that it has become obscure: family work links people. It does so by providing endless opportunities to recognize and fill the needs of others."

"Ironically, the things commonly disliked about family work offer the greatest possibilities for nurturing close relationships:

It is mindless - but this leaves our minds free to focus on one another while we labor.

It is menial - yet because of this, even the smallest child may contribute.

It is repetitive - but repetitive chores allow families to gather everyday in rituals of love and cooperation.

It is demeaning, we have to clean up after other people - yet, in so doing, we observe (others') vulnerabilities and weaknesses in a way that forces us to admit that life is possible...only by the grace of God. We are reminded that when we are fed, we could be hungry; when we are clean, we could be dirty; family work is thus humbling work, helping us to acknowledge our unavoidable interdependence; encouraging (even requiring) us to sacrifice "self" for the good of the whole in the pattern of our Savior."

Today, children rarely work at all. Many people have maids; when children do work, it is mostly work that benefits themselves, such as cleaning their room. Family identity and unity is built through working together on projects that benefit the entire family.

Today a myth exists that little children don't want to work. False! Little kids love to help. Involve them in what you are doing, be it sweeping the floor, fixing a sink, or baking cookies. Let them feel useful, important, and capable.

* Respect your children's agency and do not coerce them into jobs because they will often rebel. Invite and firmly encourage. If your children resist, do not use guilt or manipulation as a motivation. You can try setting understandable boundaries so things will still get done; for example, not allowing your teenager to drive the family car to hang out with friends until their chores are complete.

Balance between work and play is a huge part of creating a healthy family life. Play with your children (more on that next week!). Play has been described as "a child's work." Play is a vital part of development and health. Play play play! That goes for you too, parents :)


Have a wonderful week!

Week 9: Forgiveness

 "The greatest joys of life are experienced in happy family relationships. The most poignant of sorrows, the most bleak and forlorn feelings of misery come of unhappy family life. We have many failures in the world, but the greatest of these, in my judgment, is that failure which is found in broken homes. Immeasurable is the heartache. The root of most of this lies in selfishness. The cure for most of it can be found in repentance on the part of the offender and forgiveness on the part of the offended.”
~ Gordon B. Hinckley

Forgiveness is the willingness to let go from one's mind and heart the desire for revenge, the bitter, angry feelings, and the constant re-telling of past wrongs.

I thought that last bit was particularly interesting, because even if I claim I've forgiven someone, I still bring up and recount the problem, often as a joke. But it's possible that that is evidence of me still holding on to my animosity.

Some quick points:

* Forgiveness is a process more than it is an event.

* You can forgive and still grieve; for the sinner, for lost hope, for wounds that need healing, etc.

* Forgiving someone does not mean that that person is not responsible for their behavior.

* Forgiveness does not mean that you put yourself in a position where you can be further hurt, such as staying in an abusive home. Forgiveness is having a clean and wiser heart.

“Bitterness poisons mostly the one who harbors it in his heart…”

President Spencer W. Kimball
Miracle of Forgiveness

Every day we have opportunities to forgive, in both ordinary and extraordinary circumstances. C.S. Lewis said:

 "To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it up carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket—safe, dark, motionless, airless—it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”


The Savior’s Great Intercessory Prayer:
And now I am no more in the world, but these are in the world, and I come to thee. Holy Father, keep through thine own name those whom thou has given me, that they may be one, as we are.
And for their sakes I sanctify myself, that they also might be sanctified through the truth.
That they all may be one; as thou, Father, art in me, and I in thee, that they also may be one in us . . .
And the glory which thou gavest me I have given them; that they may be one, even as we are one:
I in them, and thou in me, that they may be made perfect in one;
(John 17:11, 19, 21-23; emphasis added)
The Savior taught:
Therefore, if ye shall come unto me, or shall desire to come unto me, or if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath aught against thee;
Leave thou thy gift before the altar, and go thy way unto thy brother, and first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.
(JST Matt. 5:25-26)

I pray that we might all follow the Savior's words, and forgive/pray for those that have aught against us. I love you all!

Week 8: Financial Stewardship and Intergenerational Ties

Hello All!

Some cool stuff this week.

Financial Stewardship:

* Maintain a broad vision. Financial resources are means, not ends.
* The way we spend our money reflects our basic values.
* If there is anything we own that we could not take into the street and burn, we care about material possessions too much. (Pres. Kimball?)
* Money problems are often behavior problems.
* Live within your means. Pay tithing first, and set a little aside in savings consistently. Avoid risky speculation.
* Always give thanks to God for the things He has given you. Put Him first, have faith, and He will take care of you.

I've been thinking alot about families in these difficult economic times, and it struck me the other day how beautiful it is that we have families. What an incredible support unit! If another great depression were to hit the US and we all lost our jobs, I know that we could pull together and live together and do the best we can to get by, maybe working part-time and taking shifts to forage or take care of the kids. We may have to sacrifice comfort and pride and self-sufficiency, but because we love each other we'll always pull through! Come what may.

Intergenerational Ties:

Grandparents are like the National Coast Guard; waiting offshore for signs of distress in their families, rushing in in uniform to pull the strugglers from the water, helping them get back on their feet, and quietly putting away the uniform once all is well.

The proclamation teaches us that the extended family has a responsibility to help in times of trouble. Grandma and Grandpa Cummings were excellent examples of this, and I love them for it. :)

Principles for strengthening adult-child relationships:

* Parents should be genuinely concerned but not over-involved
* Parents should avoid favoring individual children in the family
* Parents and children should be willing to forgive each other of past mistakes
* Adult children should provide opportunities for grandchildren to develop close relationships with grandparents
* Adult children should allow their aging parents to be independent as long as possible, but offer assistance when needed
~ Strengthening Our Families