Week 4: Fidelity and Intimacy in Marriage

"An intimate sexual relationship is an important aspect of marriage. It helps keeps marriage vital. When couples experience difficulty relating to each other sexually, small problems seem larger, and the marriage itself may suffer." So says my professor, and, though this topic is a little strange for me to be blogging about, what he says makes sense with the things I have been taught about marriage creating "one flesh." The Bible celebrates marital intimacy as a way of becoming closer together as a couple and, ultimately, closer to God.

Some things I liked:

* Premarital chastity builds trust. Society suggests that physical intimacy before marriage is a good thing because it seems natural and provides you the opportunity to really get to know someone before making a serious commitment. But a relationship built on a "testing out the waters" attitude is inherently shaky, non-committal, and disrespectful of worth. The security of a marriage covenant helps you trust your partner, wholly and completely, and to feel safe in the knowledge that you love each other and have committed both your bodies and your spirits to the relationship.

*Repentance and forgiveness are always possible. :)

*Research shows that cohabitation before marriage increases risk of divorce (for reasons of non-commitment in the first place) and increases the risk of physical and sexual abuse. Also, cohabiting individuals report lower levels of happiness and satisfaction in their relationships than married couples.

*A healthy sexual relationship within a marriage makes other problems seem smaller. The ability to be close and intimate helps build the love and trust needed to work through other difficulties. At the same time, one must always be respectful of a spouse's sexual wishes, level of health, and fatigue.

*"The ideal is to use sexual intimacy as a means of enjoying the marriage relationship, rather than using the marriage relationship as a means of enjoying sexual intimacy."

*"Remember that sexuality is just one form of being intimate and should not be allowed to overshadow the emotional, spiritual, social, intellectual, and affectional aspects of intimacy within a marriage. Sexual intimacy is part of the divine plan to help husband and wife become one in purpose and have the kind of relationship that will last throughout the eternities and bring true joy and happiness."

I love you all! Have a great week :)

Week 3: Preparing for Marriage

This week was great as well. I'm really enjoying reading the chapters in my book because they're sprinkled with quotes from apostles. It's always an uplifting experience!

Even if you're already married, keep reading! There's some great stuff for married couples too. :)

How do we know when we're ready to get married? What should we be looking for in a potential mate? Elder Richard G. Scott sheds some light on the subject.

"...a deep love of the Lord and of His commandments, a determination to live them, one that is kindly, understanding, forgiving of others, and willing to give of self, with the desire to have a family crowned with beautiful children and a commitment to teacch them the principles of truth in the home."

When you're single, it's easy to get down on yourself. Something President Hinckley said really hit home for me this week:

"Be true to yourselves, and your respect for yourselves will increase. Know that yours is a divine birthright. Cultivate a good opinion of yourselves."

We also talked about what love really is. Love is a process, and requires action and time. Marvin J. Ashton said "Too often expediency, infatuation, stimulation, persuasion, or lust are mistaken for love. How hollow, how empty if our love is no deeper than the arousal of momentary feeling or the expression in words of what is no more lasting than the time it takes to speak them." I liked that. Especially because it means real love continues when your hair is gray and your waistline is exploring some real estate. (I gotta lay off the oreos)

On Communication:

Negative communication can destroy relationships. Positive communication lifts and edifies. Elder Ashton said: "Communication is more than the sharing of words. It is the wise sharing of feelings and concerns. It is the sharing of oneself totally."

A part of my chapter that really made me think about how I communicate- "Good communication begins with a righteous heart that desires the welfare of the partner. However, a good heart with no communication skills may lead to misunderstandings. On the other hand, skillful communication from a selfish heart is generally just manipulation."

Making the marriage decision: 6 helpful hints

1)Live worthy of inspiration
2) Exercise agency and inspiration; in other words, make a decision and then pray about it
3) Ask in faith; believe the Lord answers your petitions
4) Seek multiple witnesses; often friends and family can spot potential problems with a marriage partner that we cannot
5) Discern between inspiration, infatuation, and desperation
6) Both individuals should seek personal confirmation

Finally, couples need to take things slowly and have a sense of humor. The Lord believes in marriage and will help us in all of our struggles! I'm grateful for the good examples of marriages I have had in my life (Mom and Dad and all my married siblings) and I love you very much!


Happy Sunday :)

Week 2: Our Divine Worth

I loved this week's topic of Divine Worth. How often do we forget our incredible heritage? Do we realize what amazing potential we have? How would our lives be changed for the better if we were to constantly remind ourselves that we come from Heavenly Parents who love us?

Barbara Lockhart wrote a really awesome chapter for our class on this subject. I would encourage all of you (or the one of you, Michelle, in case you're the only one reading this!) to read it sometime. I felt the spirit as I studied it, and it definitely broadened my perspective on a lot of things.

Some key things I learned and loved:

Our gifts and talents are attributes we have inherited from our Heavenly Parents.

"An intelligent being, in the image of God, possesses every organ, attribute, sense, sympathy, affection, of will, wisdom, love, power, and gift, which is possessed by God himself. But these are possessed by man in his rudimental state in a subordinate sense of the word. Or, in other words, these attributes are in embryo, and are to be gradually developed. They resemble a bud, a germ, which gradually develops into a bloom, and then, by progress, produces the mature fruit after its own kind."
~Parley P. Pratt

We read about "losing" ourselves in the service of the Lord. This principle has sometimes worried me, because I want to keep my individuality and not morph into the stereotypical LDS casserole-baker (though I do love casseroles!) but I found this quote by Elder Maxwell that I just loved, and I thought it was very helpful-

"Losing oneself means losing concern over getting credit; by knowing our true identity we need not be concerned about seeming anonymity. It likewise means losing our desire to be in the driver's seat; putting our shoulder to the wheel is enough. It means that eagles meekly serve under sparrows- without worrying over comparitive wingspans or plumage...Losing oneslef means yielding the substance of one's own agendum if it does not match the agendum of the Lord."

Finally, worth is eternal, irrevocable, and unchangeable. Each of us has the potential to become a God or Goddess. Nothing we can do, no mistake we make can change what we can become. I love that principle. I find so much hope in the fact that I am always precious in the sight of Heavenly Father as one of His children. I am coming to better appreciate the Atonement as the means of bridging the gap between what I am and what I want to be. I am so thankful for the Plan of Salvation, and that God loved us enough that He wanted us to become like him. I am thankful for my savior Jesus Christ. I love him. I say these things in His name, Amen.

Have a great sunday! :)

Week 1: A Proclamation to the World

In 1995, President Gordon B. Hinckley, prophet and seer of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, spoke in a General Relief Society meeting and read the document "The Family: A Proclamation to the World" to the church for the first time. President Hinckley said that he and the brethren had felt impressed to declare directly and simply the beliefs of the church regarding the family and its sanctity. I'm grateful that the brethren followed their inspiration and gave us such clear counsel to guide us as we respectfully defend our beliefs to others.

President Boyd K. Packer said:

"True doctrine, understood, changes attitudes and behavior. The study of doctrines of the gospel will improve behavior quicker than a study of behavior will improve behavior."

I believe that this is the purpose of the Proclamation to the Family; to present true doctrine in the hopes of improving the attitude towards and perception of the family in today's society. I have a testimony that the principles taught in the Proclamation are true and of the utmost importance - to ourselves, to our own families, and to the world. I believe the family to be God's greatest glory. I know He loves us and wants us to return to Him as a family. I'm grateful for my family and the knowledge that I can be with them forever.

President Gordon B. Hinckley said:

"God is the designer of the family. He intended that the greatest of happiness, the most satisfying aspects of life, the deepest joys should come in our association together and our concerns for one another as fathers and mothers and children."

I love that quotation. I love that the happiest and most satisfying aspects of life occur within the home and family. I know that our pathway to exaltation is not an individual journey; we are meant to travel together, to support each other, to freely give love where it is needed, and to befriend those that feel they are alone. Elder Maxwell said that too often we behave as if we were in a massive competition with other's for God's love. But we have His love, freely and unequivocally. It is our love of Him and others that remains to be proven.

It is my prayer that we may learn together to love the Savior more and the admiration of men less. I pray that through this experience my testimony of the family may become stronger and that we may all be better able to defend this most precious blessing to those that would tear it down. Our class this week ended with a youtube clip of Brian Stoke's Mitchell singing "The Impossible Dream" with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. I've posted it below, and I hope that you'll take the time to watch it and listen to the lyrics. They embody what I think our mission as church members should be - to fight with all our courage for what we know to be right, to reach the unreachable star, and to march into hell itself for a heavenly cause.

God lives and loves us. He believes in us. I pray that we might believe in His ability to help us. Have a wonderful week! :)

Here We Go!

As part of my Strengthening the Family course at BYU, I will be updating this blog with posts of what we have been discussing in class. Our assignment is to share, at least weekly, principles and tips on how to strengthen the home and family, as well as how to defend this most sacred social unit with a combination of true doctrine and scientific research. I thought a blog would be a great way to do this. I hope you'll check it out from time to time. I'm excited to learn and share!