Week 6: Equal Partnership In Marriage: The Sacred Responsibilities of Mothers and Fathers

I love what we've been learning about lately and I'm excited to share it. Equal partnership in LDS marriage is something I've thought quite a bit about. When my friends have asked me how I could believe in a church that so limits the opportunities of women, I haven't quite known how to answer them. This week's lectures and discussions have given me some really awesome insight. It makes me even more excited to be a member of this church! Before I go into equal partnership, let me start off with some great things we learned about principles and practices of marriage.

* Firstly, being "in love" is not that high feeling where you can't eat, sleep, or think of anyone else but that that person. That is not what God meant by love. The very fact that love is a commandment implies that it is a matter of agency. We can choose to love. "Falling in love" sounds like an accident, something we can't help, something we can't change. Many people justify having affairs by saying "I couldn't help myself, I just fell in love with him/her." This is false! You can control it, and love is something that is grown and developed, not happened upon.

* The giddy, blissful feeling of new marriage wears off. Many couples feel scared or disillusioned when reality sets into a marriage and all is not heavenly and romantic all the time. It is okay if the spark dims! If all we did was gaze into each others' eyes, what would happen to our jobs, our bodies, our families? The trick is to keep the embers going. They're better for roasting marshmallows anyway.

* Wow, there are so many good things to talk about. It's hard not to write about all of them. Here's just a few more -

~ Avoid "parallel marriage"- living in the same house, sharing the same bed, getting along just fine, but not sharing your world with your spouse. Idea of how to avoid this: sit next to each other in church instead of bookending your children. It's a small thing, but it will make a difference to your children. You will be showing them that you are the rock, the foundational relationship of the family. This will be important to them. They will want to know that you are strong and that you love each other.

~Handle differences constructively: when disagreements arise, focus on resolving the problem instead of allowing the conversation to escalate into a fault-finding-fest. It's human nature to want the upper hand and the last say in an argument, but it is vital to a strong marriage to externalize the problem. Imagine you and your spouse side by side, on a path, holding hands, facing the problem, instead of imagining the problem as emanating from your spouse.

~ Prioritize your marriage; it is the foundation of your family. Give your spouse more than the dregs of your time. Obey the commandment of date night (well, it's close to a commandment) and when on the date, try not to talk about your kids. The date is about the two of you, and about rekindling your love and commitment to each other.

Ah, there's so much good stuff. Anyways, moving on to "Equal Partnership in Marriage."

"A righteous husband is the bearer of the priesthood, which priesthood is the governing authority of the home. But he is not the priesthood; he is the holder of the priesthood. His wife shares the blessings of the priesthood with him. He is not elevated in any way above the divine status of his wife. President Gordon B. Hinckley in last April's general priesthood meeting stated: "In the marriage companionship there is neither inferiority nor superiority. The woman does not walk ahead of the man; neither does the man walk ahead of the woman. They walk side by side as a son and daughter of God on an eternal journey."
Pres. James E. Faust, Gen. Relief Society Meeting, 2002

Though the husband presides, he is not elevated in any way above the wife. Decisions are made together. This is God's plan. Fathers are responsible for the providing for and protection of the family. Mothers are given the opportunity of nurturing the body, mind, and spirit of children."
I find hope in the teaching that whatever women are called upon to sacrifice in raising a family will be restored unto them in the eternities. There is endless opportunity for us, and we can learn and love in any calling we receive.
love you, family! Have a great week.

Note: Quotes are taken from my textbooks, "Strengthening our Families" edited by David Dollahite and "Helping and Healing our Families" by David Hart. Bulleted points are summaries of information obtained through class reading assignments and discussions. Thanks!