Week 7: Principles of Parenting

"Of all the joys of life, none other equals that of happy parenthood. Of all the responsibilities with which we struggle, none other is so serious. To rear children in an atmosphere of love, security, and faith is the most rewarding of all challenges. The good result from such effort becomes life's most satisfying compensation."

~Pres. Gordon B. Hinckley

This week we talked about principles of parenting as laid forth by the Proclamation on the Family. It was great to reflect on how I was raised and think about what I want to be like as a parent.

There are many types of parenting, but we focused on three:

Coercive - "Hostile parenting that derides, demeans, or diminishes children and teens by continually putting them in their place, putting them down, mocking them, or holding power over them via punitive or psychologically controlling means"

Permissive - "indulges children in their every whim and desire or neglects children by leaving them to their own devices. Could be considered another form of unrighteous dominion because parents are shirking their divine duties"

Authoritarian - "Fosters a positive emotional connection with children, provides for regulation that places fair and consistent limits on child behavior, and allows for reasonable child autonomy in decision making."

Obviously, the authoritarian approach seems to be the best when it comes to parenting, because it involves a healthy balance between setting reasonable boundaries and letting a child act for themselves.

But...we're all human, and nobody parents in an authoritarian manner all the time. We all use coercion or permissiveness at some points because we get exhausted or frustrated or nothing else seems to work. I encourage us all to strive to be the very best parents we can be, however, particularly because of the studied results of these three types of parenting.

Children with parents that force coercion are generally more withdrawn, agressive, and unempathetic. Children of permissive parents may have a harder time respecting others, dealing with frustration and working towards goals, and following through with their plans. The authoritative approach, however, focuses on connecting with a child by learning about their goals, abilities, and future plans, setting forth good boundaries and regulation, and then letting a child make their own decisions. Agency is truly an eternal principle. In the end, you can not force a child to do anything. Wouldn't it be better to take the time to explain yourself to a child instead of just expect them to obey because you're their parent? "Because I said so" is hardly a good answer to a child's query as to why they need to obey. Teach your children why obedience is important. Tell them your thoughts, and why certain things, such as going to church every sunday, are so vital to you.

A funny story: One of my professors was having a problem with his teenager. The boy did not want to go to church and told his dad that he was staying home. The dad replied "That,s great, son! Tell you what, I'll stay at home too and we can study the gospel together for three hours! I can't wait, this is going to be so wonderful and enriching, I'll go get my scriptures."

The boy got ready for church as fast as he could and didn't utter a word of complaint for the rest of the day :)

As parents in Zion, our goal is to raise righteous children unto the Lord. But even righteous parents have wayward children; Lehi and Sariah, Adam and Eve. Take comfort in the fact that your covenants will keep your family together, and the Atonement can remove all sin. Love your child, pray for them, do not judge them, and keep your faith.

Our Heavenly Father is a perfect parent. How does he teach us? What can we learn from His example? He gives us commandments, clear boundaries, and blesses us when we follow His will. We make our own decisions and we make mistakes, but He always believes in us, loves us, and welcomes us back. It's my prayer that we can follow Heavenly Father's example as we raise our own families.

Love to you all!