Week 12: Family Crucibles and The Advantages of Marriage

A crucible is a container made of heat-resistant material that can withstand incredible pressure and temperature, so that the material within can be melted, purified, and refined. In class we talked about how trials such as death of a loved one, illness, infertility, and disability can be crucibles that refine us and purify us according to God's will.

James E. Faust said: "Into every life there come painful, despairing days of adversity and buffeting. There seems to be a full measure of anguish, sorrow, and often heartbreak for everyone, including those who earnestly seek to do right and be faithful. The thorns that prick, that stick in the flesh, that hurt, often change lives which seem robbed of significance and hope. This change comes about through a refining process which often seems cruel and hard. In this way the soul can become like soft clay in the hands of the Master in building lives of faith, usefulness, beauty, and strength. For some, the refiner's fire causes a loss of belief and faith in God, but those with eternal perspective understand that such a refining is part of the perfection process."

I know that the most valuable experiences I've had in my own life have been some of the most painful ones - the death of my grandparents, a difficult breakup, the loss of my cousin. These things were extremely painful, but as I look back I can see how much I have grown. I value these experiences because they have brought me closer to the Savior. The other day I was thinking how grateful I am to have trials in my life, because they keep me humble. I sometimes wish I had more, because it's easier for me to be closer to Christ when I am in a difficult position. I suppose the trick is to be close to Him even when times are good. :)I'm working on it.

The advantages of Marriage:

Statistics report that married people live longer, suffer less from illness and disease, and recover from illness faster.

Married people have lower rates of depression and suicide. They are generally happier in all aspects of life.

Married couples are generally wealthier and spend less than divorced individuals. They also save more by living "half and half".

Contrary to what the media would say, married people actually enjoy greater sexual benefits than single or cohabiting individuals. Faithfully married individuals are more satisfied with their sex life and report a greater feeling of stability and confidence in their marriage partner. No surprise there!

"It isn't good to be alone, it isn't good..."

I love this gospel, I love the eternal principle of refinement, and I look forward to the day when I can enter into the eternal covenant of marriage. I love you all!

Week 11: Family Recreation, Blended Families

Family Recreation

4 Principles:

1. Wholesome recreation is not the same as idleness or aimless leisure.

2. Wholesome recreation is not just spontaneous play.

3. Wholesome recreation helps to establish family rituals that create bonding experiences.

4. Wholesome recreation needs to be balanced with our obligation to work.

President Ezra Taft Benson said to fathers:

"Go on daddy-daughter dates and father and sons' outings with your children. As a family, go on campouts and picnics, to ball games and recitals, to school programs...Build traditions of family vacations and trips and outings. These memories will never be forgotten by your children."

I testify that this principle is true. Some of my fondest childhood memories are of family campouts and trips to Nauvoo or Palmyra. :)

Interesting note: Studies have shown that the longer you watch TV, the worse you feel. I totally believe this. If I watch TV for more than a few hours I feel really slow and my head feels heavy and dull.

Suggestions for wholesome recreation:

1. Select recreation that builds meaningful relationships.
2. Regularly choose challenging activities that stretch each family member.
3. Clarify the purpose of activity.
4. Select activities in which participants can acquire a sense of mastery and competence.
5. Incorporate intellectual and creative elements.
6. Look for opportunities to promote moral behavior.
7. Select activities that will rejuvenate both the mind and body.

Blended Families:

A blended family (parents that remarry and already have children of their own) always comes about as the result of dreams cut short or not working out. As such, the members of the blended family must have extra faith and trust in the Lord. A few pointers to help with the adjustment:

* If possible, sell your old home and your spouse's home and buy a new home. Memories cling very closely around homes, and it would be in the best interest of family to start afresh.

* Think of this blended family as a "new" and not a "replacement" family.

* Start new traditions instead of borrowing from both families.

* Remember that it will never be perfect, and it will take time to feel comfortable and natural.



Have a great week!

Week 10: Love, Work, and Prayer In Families

I really love this class. I love it because everything I learn makes me think about how blessed I am to have grown up in my family. It also makes me want to be a better person, and I'm grateful for anything I experience that motivates me to improve myself from the inside out. Now, on to the good stuff!


Faith and Prayer:

The biggest thing I learned from this section is the concept of "enlightened hedonism" - doing the right things and following gospel principles, but only to get the blessings that make our lives easier. For example, paying our tithing because we know that if we do the windows of heaven will pour blessings upon us, instead of paying our tithing with the intent of blessing other members of the church with a nearby temple, the opportunity to serve a mission, or food for their families. I am definitely guilty of "enlightened hedonism." I want to pay my tithing and follow the gospel with Christ always in mind. I want to stop obeying the commandments to get blessings. I want to obey the commandments because I love Heavenly Father.

We also talked about the importance of praying in a circle as a family. I've liked this idea for a really long time, because a circle is so representative of our eternal family and our covenant. I feel so unified with my family and with Heavenly Father when we kneel in a circle for prayer. In class we talked about how younger children especially feel a sense of security and family identity when they kneel in a circle.

Love

Love is both a feeling and a behavior.

When we bear others' burdens, our capacity to love and sympathize grows.

"The Atonement working in our lives will produce in us the love and tenderness we need." ~ Henry B. Eyring

We must love our family and our neighbors, in more than just word. "One cannot ask God to help a neighbor in distress without feeling motivated to do something toward helping that neighbor."

Work

In my family, work and chores were part of life. This chapter was an interesting one to read because it evoked a lot of memories and some...shall we say...strong childhood feelings. I'll mostly quote from my textbook, because it's just so good :)

"What does such ordinary, family-centered work have to do with salvation? The answer is so obvious in common experience that it has become obscure: family work links people. It does so by providing endless opportunities to recognize and fill the needs of others."

"Ironically, the things commonly disliked about family work offer the greatest possibilities for nurturing close relationships:

It is mindless - but this leaves our minds free to focus on one another while we labor.

It is menial - yet because of this, even the smallest child may contribute.

It is repetitive - but repetitive chores allow families to gather everyday in rituals of love and cooperation.

It is demeaning, we have to clean up after other people - yet, in so doing, we observe (others') vulnerabilities and weaknesses in a way that forces us to admit that life is possible...only by the grace of God. We are reminded that when we are fed, we could be hungry; when we are clean, we could be dirty; family work is thus humbling work, helping us to acknowledge our unavoidable interdependence; encouraging (even requiring) us to sacrifice "self" for the good of the whole in the pattern of our Savior."

Today, children rarely work at all. Many people have maids; when children do work, it is mostly work that benefits themselves, such as cleaning their room. Family identity and unity is built through working together on projects that benefit the entire family.

Today a myth exists that little children don't want to work. False! Little kids love to help. Involve them in what you are doing, be it sweeping the floor, fixing a sink, or baking cookies. Let them feel useful, important, and capable.

* Respect your children's agency and do not coerce them into jobs because they will often rebel. Invite and firmly encourage. If your children resist, do not use guilt or manipulation as a motivation. You can try setting understandable boundaries so things will still get done; for example, not allowing your teenager to drive the family car to hang out with friends until their chores are complete.

Balance between work and play is a huge part of creating a healthy family life. Play with your children (more on that next week!). Play has been described as "a child's work." Play is a vital part of development and health. Play play play! That goes for you too, parents :)


Have a wonderful week!

Week 9: Forgiveness

 "The greatest joys of life are experienced in happy family relationships. The most poignant of sorrows, the most bleak and forlorn feelings of misery come of unhappy family life. We have many failures in the world, but the greatest of these, in my judgment, is that failure which is found in broken homes. Immeasurable is the heartache. The root of most of this lies in selfishness. The cure for most of it can be found in repentance on the part of the offender and forgiveness on the part of the offended.”
~ Gordon B. Hinckley

Forgiveness is the willingness to let go from one's mind and heart the desire for revenge, the bitter, angry feelings, and the constant re-telling of past wrongs.

I thought that last bit was particularly interesting, because even if I claim I've forgiven someone, I still bring up and recount the problem, often as a joke. But it's possible that that is evidence of me still holding on to my animosity.

Some quick points:

* Forgiveness is a process more than it is an event.

* You can forgive and still grieve; for the sinner, for lost hope, for wounds that need healing, etc.

* Forgiving someone does not mean that that person is not responsible for their behavior.

* Forgiveness does not mean that you put yourself in a position where you can be further hurt, such as staying in an abusive home. Forgiveness is having a clean and wiser heart.

“Bitterness poisons mostly the one who harbors it in his heart…”

President Spencer W. Kimball
Miracle of Forgiveness

Every day we have opportunities to forgive, in both ordinary and extraordinary circumstances. C.S. Lewis said:

 "To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it up carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket—safe, dark, motionless, airless—it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”


The Savior’s Great Intercessory Prayer:
And now I am no more in the world, but these are in the world, and I come to thee. Holy Father, keep through thine own name those whom thou has given me, that they may be one, as we are.
And for their sakes I sanctify myself, that they also might be sanctified through the truth.
That they all may be one; as thou, Father, art in me, and I in thee, that they also may be one in us . . .
And the glory which thou gavest me I have given them; that they may be one, even as we are one:
I in them, and thou in me, that they may be made perfect in one;
(John 17:11, 19, 21-23; emphasis added)
The Savior taught:
Therefore, if ye shall come unto me, or shall desire to come unto me, or if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath aught against thee;
Leave thou thy gift before the altar, and go thy way unto thy brother, and first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.
(JST Matt. 5:25-26)

I pray that we might all follow the Savior's words, and forgive/pray for those that have aught against us. I love you all!